A Pause For Reflection

It has been a couple of days since I made an entry here, and I'm thinking that four blogs is perhaps too much to maintain with any regularity. My attention has also been distracted from my purpose here, in the first part of this week, by a deadline for my podcast, "The Art of Outrage" on Artscene Visual Radio. That in itself has taken a good deal of my time.

But, truthfully, there's something else at stake here. Things have not been going as well as I had hoped. Weight-wise, I mean. I last stepped on the scale on Sunday, I think, and there has not been significant change since the first week of this project. And my good intentions for the use of consciousness to keep things in check have been slipping. I'm slowly getting back to the old, comfortable but essentially mindless habits. When pressures mount, clearly, it's easier to resort to old habits than to be constantly mindful. And currently, along with the four blogs and the podcast, I have two full-length books to read and respond to, I have the IRS to satisfy, and a lecture to prepare for. The latter is not until June, but it's already on my mind. All of which sound like excellent excuses. And they are.

There's another factor at play: I'm a creature of habit, and my meals follow much the same pattern day to day, week to week. I get bored with hearing myself repeat that I had a cup of tea with milk and sweetener at seven in the morning and a bowl of porridge with nuts and dried fruit at nine. Still, I need to recognize that boredom is yet another way of burying precisely that awareness I claim to be trying to maintain. It's not exactly exhilarating to return every day to my meditation practice, but I do it anyway. It works.

So anyway, let's consider this a pep talk to self. It's worth the effort to continue. I'm thinking about adding some "new rules" to the game. A few more ways to eat well, practice mindfulness, and shed a little of that excess weight at the same time. Enough for today.

Sunday: Oscars Day...

Oscars... and sangha, our meditation group.  Started out with a small bowl of fruit and cereal, in preparation for the morning sit.  And tea.  Then, at noon, a brunch with two poached eggs and a couple of rashers of very disappointing bacon with an onion bagel and coffee.  And at seven, over the Oscars telecast, a bowl of newly homemade soup (cauliflower, onion, carrots, kale...) with cheese and crackers.  And a glass of wine.  (Oh, nearly forgot, in the afternoon, about two thirds of Ellie's leftover can of beer from the night before...)

Friday

I missed a day yesterday. No coincidence, perhaps, that we had been out carousing the night before. Well, not exactly carousing: we visited friends, had a glass or two of wine before dinner, and went out for dinner at a local restaurant. Ellie and I shared everything--salad, main course, dessert, but I still managed to sneak in another glass of wine. More than sufficient.

Friday was a busy day with telephone interviews in preparation for my next podcast. Tea, then, in the morning, and a quick bowl of porridge before getting down to work. For lunch, with Ellie busy having photographs done for her website, I prepared a picnic table of cold cuts, cheese and bread and crackers for lunch for all of us, and we finished up with a chocolate-dipped dunker for dessert.

Down to Laguna Beach mid-afternoon (the traffic not as bad as it might have been) and a ham hock and bean soup over a Netflix movie and Bill Maher. And a small bowl of soy ice cream. And a half a chocolate... Oh, AND a glass of red wine. Hmmmm.

Wednesday

Tea, first thing.  No walk, no exercise.  To preoccupied with what needed to be done.  I would have gone for eggs for breakfast, but Ellie vetoed the idea so I settled for a bowl of fruit with a little cereal (Fru-Grains, again!) topped with milk and a dash of half-and-half, and a (diet, lo-fat, whole wheat, healthy!) English muffin--whose wholesomeness I ruined with butter and marmalade.  Ah, well...

Lunch at 1PM.  Two slices of bread with cheese and an apple.  And a half a chocolate, sneaked in for dessert.  

Tea and a dunker at four-ish.

A handful of nuts, then dinner at 6, before the arrival of our artists' support group.  Ellie had been laboring all day (with my usual help as sous-chef) on a ham hock-based bean soup, really more like a stew, so hearty.  delicious!  I enjoyed a bowl and a half, with crackers and one glass of wine.  

Tuesday, Again...

... and so soon!  The weeks whiz by.  

Okay, Tuesday.  Tea, if you can believe it, at 7AM.  Porridge for breakfast, with the usual additives.  No bread, no toast, no butter, no marmalade.  A cup of coffee.

For lunch, bread and cheese and an apple.

For dinner, a half a salmon steak, one red-skinned potato, salad.  And a glass of wine.  Plus, for dessert, a small bowl of soy cream with a chocolate-dipped dunker.  

That's it, for Tuesday.  

Ah, Monday...

Up early, meditation at 5:30, blog entry from 6:00-6:45. George's morning pee walk. Tea, with milk and sweetener. My usual small bowl of fruit and cereal, to get me started for the day and ready for gym. More bloggery, and the Monday morning prep for our return to Los Angeles. At 9:30, my half hour on the elliptical walker and, beginning at 10:00, my hour's workout with Knute. Unsparing today, after a missed session last week. I was surprised to find myself strong and fit.

Knute recommends protein after workout, so I made myself a small ham and cream cheese sandwich before George's training session. (He's had some behavior problems, mostly around the tennis balls to which he has become addicted, so we're giving him some training reinforcement at the ripe old age of six! No doubt he's smart. He learns fast. And we realize, of course, that they're not his problems, they're ours!)

A long drive home today. I'd hoped for an easy one, on a public holiday, but a couple of accidents on the freeway made progress unbearably slow--necessitating much practice of equanimity (see Accidental Dharma: The Gift Wrapped in Shit.) Once home, a mini-lunch, open-face salami sandwich, three quarters of an apple (Ellie ate the other quarter,) before spending the rest of the short afternoon at the computer, catching up with blog-related stuff.

For dinner, we tossed up a great green salad with leftover chicken and streak (from Saturday) and enjoyed it with cheese and crackers and a glass of wine. For dessert, a generous scoop of gelato!

Sunday

I missed yesterday, for no better reason that I chose to take a day off. Sunday, as I usually do, I started out with a cup of tea and a small bowl of cereal, to keep the stomach quiet during our Sunday morning meditation session with our sitting group. After sangha, Ellie wanted to do "a little gardening" before breakfast--which kept us working until 1PM. Sunday breakfast... well, brunch, I cooked up my scrambled eggs (five, between the two of us and George, the dog, since there happened to be that odd number left in the carton) and we enjoyed them with buttered brown toast, a spot of fig jam and marmalade, coffee, and half a grapefruit. At tea time, a cup of tea and a couple of small cookies--well, maybe three. And for dinner, the last of the squash soup with a half a Trader Joe's ready-made fig pizza and a glass of red wine.

As a general observation, I have lost little or no weight since the positive report a couple of weeks ago. The trip to England may have something to do with that, but clearly I need to be watching a little more closely and making still more conscious choices. Saturday night, I dreamed I was on a cheese- and chocolate-tasting tour of Australia. I think desserts were involved in some way, too. All my weaknesses. Hmmmm....

Friday

Morning tea.  A half hour with the weights (just the light ones we keep in the bedroom closet.)  A bowl of fruit and cereal for breakfast (Fru-Grains with half a banana, a sliced kumquat, one strawberry, a few grapes topped with a splash of milk and half-and-half); followed a small slice of buttered toast, no marmalade.  And another cup of tea.

Lunch in Laguna Beach, after a longer-than-usual drive--an accident on the 710 freeway.  I chose a small bowl of the clams linguini left over from last night and an apple.  A couple of hours later I developed a horrible stomach ache, and wondered if it could be the linguini--though I had removed the single clam that was left in the take-home box.  

I recovered, anyway, sufficiently to enjoy a good bowl of leftover soup for dinner, with toast and cheese.  I even risked a half glass of red wine.  All of which went down well enough for me to indulge, after dinner, in a bowl of soy ice cream with a chocolate-coated dunker.   Can't feel too sorry for myself, then. 

Thursday--Valentine's Day

We enjoyed our cup of tea in bed on Valentine's Day, but I short-changed myself on the morning walk.  No exercise.   That's unusual for me, but I had my appointment for that annual physical later in the morning, and there were things to be done in the blogosphere.  I took care of those, and had porridge on the way by the time Ellie returned.  For breakfast, then, a bowl of steaming porridge with walnuts, dried cranberries and raisins, a scoop of brown sugar, hot milk, and a drizzle of half-and-half.  (Still working on that small carton we bought a month ago!  Remarkable.)

An early, light lunch in anticipation of dinner out to celebrate this Hallmark Card festival.  I made myself a small lox and cream cheese sandwich with half an apple.  No snacks, no tea in the afternoon.  Okay, well, one TINY chocolate chip cookie.  And I do mean tiny--an inch in diameter, no more.

Dinner at our favorite local Italian restaurant on Sunset Boulevard, Aroma.  We shared a bowl of linguini with clams for starters, and then a very nice dish of chicken breast rolled up around spinach with a pine nut sauce--also shared.  Excellent meal, once again.  We often find that a second and third visit prove disappointing, after a first good meal.  Not so with Aroma, which has proved consistently delightful.

We stopped on the way home to buy some fresh, home-made gelato, and enjoyed a small bowl each when we got home.  A quiet Valentine's Day evening at home.

Wednesday

Back to the routine for the early part of the day. Morning tea with milk and sweetener at 7AM. Two fried eggs with a toasted English muffin at 9AM. A BIG lunch, though. Ellie was expecting a rare visit from her cousin, and had prepared a nice meal: blended squash soup with a choice of cheeses followed by a tasty chicken salad with greens and dried cranberries and dessert, a half slice of lemon sponge cake and a half a chocolate. The whole accompanied by two glasses of wine and a cup of espresso. Not to mention good conversation.

We do not normally feast at midday in this way, but it was certainly a pleasure.

A make-up at dinner. I made myself a bowl of fruit and yogurt--with half a banana, a single sliced kumquat, a handful of grapes and half an apple. I could not, however, resist another glass of the good white wine we had enjoyed at lunch time. An early bed--but awoken at 1:30 by an urgent call from my sister in England...

Today, I'm due for my annual physical. Wish me luck...

Tuesday

Surprisingly, perhaps, no sign of jet lag. I woke comfortably at the usual LA time, around six o'clock, took George out for his morning pee and made tea for Ellie and myself in bed while we watched the news headlines. For breakfast, cold cereal--a small bowl of Fru Grains, a favorite since childhood, unavailable so far as I know in this country: my sister had found me a small package to bring home--with half a banana, a sliced kumquat and a dash of milk; followed by a small piece of toast with butter and marmalade and a cup of coffee.

Late morning, an appointment with my "network" chiropractor, Dr. Steve, whose magic I have come to trust, and who found me in good shape despite the long weekend's journey to England and back.

For lunch, a lox and cream cheese sandwich (small) and an apple (Cox's orange pippin, from England.) And for early dinner, a bowl of Ellie's latest vegetable soup with a piece of toasted cornbread, preceded by a small glass of sherry. No wine.

Back Home

Let's not talk too much about the last few days, okay? Cirencester was great, but the trip did not present a great opportunity to be as mindful about food as I might otherwise have been. I know, excuses, excuses... I should be able to practice the same mindfulness no matter where and what the circumstances. The airline (business class--I was fortunate enough to be able to upgrade) offered rich food and an endless supply of booze. I was quite noble in my circumspection in this regard, but I did enjoy a couple of glasses of wine each way and, on the return flight, a pre-flight glass of champagne AND a post-dinner liqueur--of which I left, by my own estimate, about a third in the glass... And drank large quantities of water, to compensate. In Cirencester, evenings, we ate Indian and Chinese, with a good deal more than my intended single glass of wine per day.

All in all, I gave myself permission to stray fairly far from my intentions, and need to reflect on the ease with which I succumbed. Traveling and eating out both offer wonderful excuses to descend into mindlessness, as do--for me at least--any and all social events where people gather to make merry. My common sense tells me that excesses of food and drink are not the only or the necessary ingredients of making merry, but old habits run deep. There's some inner part of me that wants to hide itself in such circumstances, and these are convenient things behind which to hide. They compensate for the silly insecurities.

Now, back in Los Angeles, I am committed to returning to my good intentions. Stick with me...

Wednesday-Thursday

Don't ask, don't tell. After eggs for breakfast at home in Los Angeles, it was airline food, business class. Here in England, I wrote about my culinary delights in The Buddha Diaries. You can check it out there. More later, as I return to normal time--and a normal meal schedule.

Tuesday

Morning tea. Porridge. Coffee. For lunch, a scoop of cottage cheese, another of white bean humus, a half avocado, a little can of tuna, two half slices of toast and a half apple. More than ample. Before dinner, a half pita with bean dip, a half glass of sherry. For dinner, a hearty bowl of Ellie's tortilla soup, a square of corn bread, and a glass of white wine. And for dessert, a small bowl of soy cream.

This afternoon I'm off to England for a few days. I'll try to keep up with this journal while I'm gone, but it will depend on connect-ability.

Monday

The cup of tea, with milk and sweetener. The small bowl of cereal, with half a banana, a handful of O's, a dollop of yogurt, a few raisins... A creature of habit, as they say,

An hour and a half at the gym, as usual on Monday: a half hour on the elliptical walker, and hour with Knute. Hard work. Then a piece of Swedish krackerbrot with a spread of cream cheese and a slice of ham. Protein, they say, after working out.

After the drive back to Los Angeles--mercifully easy on the freeeways today--I sustained myself with a few leftover vegetarian potstickers and half an apple.

For dinner, Ellie made an excellent tortilla soup, more like a stew, with chicken. I had a good bowlful, with a teaspoon of creme fraiche and a topping of chopped spring onions and avocado, a dash of salsa. And a piece of freshly made corn bread on the side. First rate, with a a glass of white wine. (Oh, er, um... I nearly forget: I enjoyed a half glass of sherry and a few nuts while I helped in the kitchen with the chopping and dicing.)

Sunday

I stepped on the scale this morning... and fancy that! (as my mother would say). The scale was broken. It's one of those digital things, and the read-out panel was blank. I guess it needs a new battery. So I can't report on progress this morning. Too bad, no? So, on to....

Sunday

A slow, steady rain in Southern California, very welcome after that dreadful dearth a year ago. We are now more than four inches ahead of our season norm in Los Angeles, I note from the Times today--and more than ten inches ahead of last year's total to date. Good news.

A cup of tea, then, and a small bowl of cereal with fruit and a little yogurt, to assure a quiet and reasonably contented belly at the meeting of our Sunday morning sitting group. A hungry stomach can cause quite a stir in a roomful of silence.

Breakfast at noon: English scrambled eggs, an onion bagel, cut in thirds and buttered, a dab of marmalade, coffee, and a small bowl of fruit salad.

I'll confess I watched the Superbowl in the afternoon. At half-time, I made myself a cup of chai and indulged in a chocolate-dipped dunker. During the second half, the traditional beer beckoned, and I finished a half can of Tecate that Ellie had started a couple of days ago, with the broken remnants of a bag of pizza chips--not many, really!--made palatable by a white bean humus dip.

For dinner, the last of the vegetable soup that Ellie concocted last week. A big bowl, enough unto itself--with a glass of Stonehedge Sauvignon Blanc. I chose not to eat dessert...

Saturday...

... in Laguna Beach. A lovely cool crisp, sunny day.

Just to keep up with my intention to note down everything, I'll risk boring myself with the recitation of the usual for the first part of the day: tea at 7AM, porridge with the familiar fixings at 8AM or so. I did not venture out, even for a walk, because we had booked the Geek Squad to stop by and install a new cable box and get it co-ordinated with all the other electronic stuff that I have no way of understanding. What I did understand, though, was that after hours of work (and vast expense) the damn thing still wasn't working: Cox Cable had sent a faulty box. I had to drive up the canyon and wait in one of those take-a-ticket-and-wait-till-we-call-you stores to get a new one, and then install it myself. On the way home at 2PM, ill-tempered and hungry, I stopped to join Ellie at the Zinc Cafe for a shared egg salad sandwich and a half a (miniscule) marzipan muffin. Very tasty, despite its size!

A cup of chai mid-afternoon, with one of those long, thin, chocolate-coated dunkers.

The treat for the day was reserved for the evening, when we were invited to the newly-remodeled and impressive home (spectacular is a little too big, but it's getting close!) of Ellie's cousins on Lido Isle, with whom we have been too long out of touch. The dinner was delicious, starting with a glass of sparkling white Italian wine, along with the kind of appetizers I would normally tuck into unrestrainedly-two fine cheeses and a very soft, very tasty goat's cheese served with a kind of sweet-tart chutney with nicoise olives. Quite unusual, and delicious. I managed to remain conscious, and to choose judiciously, without going overboard...

Appetizers followed by osso buco with a very nice finely chopped tomato sauce, orzo and broccoli, and a fresh salad of various greens and mixings, and a glass (well, for me, two glasses) of a pleasant Bogle pinot noir we had brought with us. Altogether a fine eating experience (see, I get to write gourmet for once!), topped only by the pleasure of good conversation and the renewal of family goodwill.

Home late, in time for a few minutes of SNL, and off to bed.

Friday

A short night, because of our late return home from "The Magic Flute"--a delightful evening, but one that became just a little long-winded, at the end, for this less-than-fanatical opera-goer, as the arias multiplied and lengthened. Let those who will accuse me of philistinism, but there are times, are there not, when you just want them to get done with it and shut up already?

Tea, then, at seven. A half hour at the gym on the elliptical walker, with political conversations recorded elsewhere in the blogosphere. Breakfast at home: two fried eggs (one shared with George the dog, an egg freak) and two small pieces of buttered toast. A tiny dab of marmalade on half of the second piece. And coffee.

For lunch, at 2PM, a dollop of cottage cheese, a half matzo, a single slice of ham. At tea-time, a cup of chai and three (count 'em) TINY chocolate chip cookies.

A strange dinner of leftovers: a very small slice of fig pizza, to get that finished; a potato cake, from the other night out; salad; and four or five pot-stickers from a frozen Trader Joe's package. Very strange. But true. And a glass (and, full disclosure, another half) of red wine. (Ellie got smashed on a quarter can of Tecate!) A small bowl of Trader Joe's Very Cherry Chip Soy Cream for dessert, as we watched Real Time with Bill Maher. Very funny.

Thursday

A cup of tea and a walk with George the dog, up and around the hill. About a half hour, brisk pace...

For breakfast, I cooked up porridge for Ellie and me, with the usual tidbits of dried fruit and nuts and a dash of milk and half-and-half. Some home maintenance work at the cottage, washing the tall window in the sitting room and untangling a string of lights at the front of the house from the overgrown bougainvillea. Good exercise, too. Today, I have to work on the replacement.

A light lunch: cottage cheese and a slice of ham, plus a few crackers and the last of the creamy blue cheese.

A nap, to prepare for an anticipated late evening at the opera, followed by a cup of chai and a quarter chocolate chip cookies. At 6PM, an early supper over the Democratic debate: soup and a very thin slice of fig and cheese pizza, then off to "The Magic Flute," with a small pack of trail mix at Intermission. And, arriving home late, I chose a nip of pear brandy as a nightcap--the last drops in a bottle I'd received as a gift a couple of years ago. I have been enjoying a very occasional, always much appreciated taste of it ever since. And so, as Samuel Pepys would say, to bed...